I'm getting pretty used to hearing about the pain families suffer from the reactions of others following the suicide of a loved one but some information I was given yesterday shocked me completely and had my heart breaking for a group of families I don't even know.

Today I had two main tasks. The first was a presentation to a group of counsellors from Mt Eden and the North Shore and the second was teaching our cat Bug to use a catdoor. Both felt relatively unthreatening and manageable. The good thing about presenting to a group of counellors is that even if you're total rubbish they're not going to roll their eyes or walk out yelling "what a total load of bollocks, you should consider selling knitting patterns and find a shade of lipstick that actually suits you" or other hurtful, self esteem damaging comments.

Spent the weekend with three members of the CASPER family. Two lost daughters to suicide and one lost her husband. It was an amazing weekend. We laughed together, cried together and bonded in a way that only those who have shared a traumatic experience can. Psychotropic drugs were the common theme with Toran being on two at the time of his death and the other women's loved ones being on between 4 and 10 when they killed themselves violently.

On Monday this week I picked up the key to my new flat. For most people this would be followed by furniture removal, picture hanging and all that stuff but not for me - I had cleverly (not) arranged to be in Northland that night for an an intensive 2 days of CASPER education presentations. So got the key, dumped the stuff that had been filling my car for two weeks on the floor of the new place and rushed to meet Steve for our drive up to Matapouri (google maps is your friend people) to meet up with Deb.